


Ghosts can't be Haunted by the Past

by writingramblr



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America:The Winter Soldier, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Drabble Fic, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, OT3, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1420732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingramblr/pseuds/writingramblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky knows only one thing, he's lost everything that made him human. But now he has a chance to get it all back. It's not going to be easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts can't be Haunted by the Past

**Author's Note:**

> OMG. So obviously I just saw the Winter Soldier, and can i just say...i'm not okay. but this thing came up after i got out and home. I wanted to originally write just some simple hate!sex with Bucky/Nat, which may still eventually be written, but the feels hit me hard, so i wrote this first.  
> not too many spoilers other than the most common: Bucky Barnes is the Winter Soldier.  
> it's kinda AU in that i doubt the Winter Soldier would really surrender, but here's hoping!

Atonement.

James Buchanan Barnes felt as if he would need to spend his entire life trying to atone.

He’d been asleep on ice for half of it. How much could he really call his life? He’d also spent a third of it without any true control or freedom.

He’d been nothing but a silver gilded puppet.

They’d given him his arm back, sure. But what had they asked for in return?

Only his soul.

He’d thought it lost for good.

Until Steve found him.

***

When he saw that display and read about his past, he knew there was no more running to be done. He was sick of it.

He wanted a real life back.

He wanted to _live._

If it meant groveling to his enemy so be it.

Maybe they weren’t really his enemy?

Captain America couldn’t have killed him.

He’d returned the favor, still unsure why.

Now he knew.

He owed him.

He would never stop owing him.

***

His cold metal hand skimmed over warm bare skin, unfeeling.

But he could sense everything, and he could imagine even more.

The slight flinch away that Steve did, despite himself, had Bucky pulling away in a heartbeat. The kiss he would have stolen, the idea of it, melted away.

A strong wrist snapped over his, and blood red tipped nails gleamed in the soft firelight.

“It’s okay. He’s only remembering. We all will. There will be something that triggers it for both of us. If anything bothers you, just say the word.”

Bucky turned to face the green eyed stare of Natalia Romanova, or as she’d been renamed, Natasha Romanoff.

He knew Steve called her Natasha, or even Nat when they were alone.

He wouldn’t dare to assume he was allowed the same privilege. Not yet.

He knew he was only there because they both wanted him to be. It hadn’t hurt that Natasha had brought three _ice_ cold bottles of vodka along with the piping hot Thai takeout.

The word gave him pause, just like Natasha had said something would.

His eyes squeezed shut, and images flashed across his brain like a movie replaying over a tattered screen.

“What is it?” Steve’s voice was soft, almost like a whisper, and Bucky shook his head,

“I need a moment.”

Natasha answered for them both,

“Of course. C’mon Cap, let’s clear off the table.”

***

They return to find him in their bedroom, still unable to look at anything but the carpeted floor. Steve saw his shoulders shaking, and halted in the doorway, before Natasha pushed him from behind, and he nearly fell inside.

“Bucky? We don’t have to do this tonight. If it’s too much too fast…”

“No. I need you. I need both of you.”

Bucky’s voice has a hard edge, and Natasha bites back a smile. Maybe he wasn’t shaking from fear or grief.

***

Later she has her answer. Even though she wouldn’t have dared to ask.

When Bucky’s cold unfeeling hand is stroking her naked skin, and passing over where countless bruises had been and healed, she knows. This isn’t some passing fancy.

She sees the way Steve looks at Bucky, and when they finally kiss, it’s decades of pent up tension being released in a glorious shining moment not unlike that first shot fired in a range.

Press and release.

Each kiss on her and Steve’s skin is an apology for every punch and shot.

Every bruise he may have caused.

The knife wound that’s healed and nearly invisible on Steve’s shoulder receives extra attention.

When Natasha rolls over and Bucky sees the wound down and to the left of her stomach, he swears under his breath, and touches it gently with his real hand.

She’s the one shivering next.

***

Bucky is afraid.

Afraid of losing this.

His best friend, and now his lover.

He’s suddenly depending on two people for his very life. His sanity. His soul.

It’s theirs now.

He feels like he’ll never stop owing them.

The way they look at him tells him he doesn’t.

Atonement.

It’s found in them.

For the first time in half a century, Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, is free.

***

**END**


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